Jesus Hates Dead Religion by Eric Metaxas

Author:Eric Metaxas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2012-05-10T16:00:00+00:00

Well, good morning to all of you: honored guests from around the world and from this great nation. And especially to our president and first lady. What an honor to be here!

Now I would love to know how many people are here this morning. If you don’t mind, just indulge me. If you are here this morning, would you raise your hand? I just want to get a quick count. Okay, I think I counted four. Well, they claimed there would be about four thousand. . . . 1

So let me just say up front that I am not a morning person.

But it is nonetheless an honor to speak at this august—and extraordinarily early—gathering. I know it is an august gathering because they charged $175 for breakfast!2 I don’t want to start out by being negative, but I think there may be some kind of money laundering thing happening here. I am speaking truth to power, people! The price gouging—it needs to stop! Even as a member of the elite 1 percent, I cannot afford this.3

But you know, we joke. Yes, we joke. But seriously, I know who puts these events on. They are a highly secret—indeed a downright nefarious—organization. They call themselves “the Family.” Yes, “the Family.” You see “the Family” not only runs this event, they run everything that is happening in the world.4

We—and of course I mean, the president and I, specifically—are all their puppets. The president knows what I mean; he cannot admit this publicly, obviously. But appearing here this morning, we are simply doing their bidding.

Every US president has been elected by them—except for Warren G. Harding. No one knows how Harding was able to buck that trend, but we know that he paid dearly for it—most notably by being saddled with the name Warren G. Harding.

A brief word on the dais thing up here. I am not a politician, so when I see a dais like this I immediately think of those wonderful Dean Martin Roasts from the 1970s.5 Those were my favorite shows—right next to Sanford and Son. I am being honest with you now. So you’ll forgive me if I pretend that I am up here with Ruth Buzzi, Bob Hope, Jimmy Stewart, Red Buttons, Charlie Callas, Foster Brooks, and Rich Little.6 I am being honest: that is who I wish were up here.

And to those who are actually up here, I apologize. From the bottom of Don Rickles’ heart, I’m sorry.7

Now, this is National Prayer Breakfast, so maybe we should get serious and say something about prayer. . . . Nah.

Okay, but seriously. What is prayer? That’s the real question that we must ask ourselves: What is prayer?

Prayer is real faith in God. It is not phony religiosity. It is not: “O! wouldst thou, O Sovereign of the universe, take this archaic verbiage as evidence that we believe that thou art an old fashioned and unpleasant and easily annoyed—and even cranky—deity! And that to get thy magnificent attention and so as to not annoy thee, we must needs employ an archaic and religious sounding language.

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